Vow Of Silence

Hello!

Today I am going to begin writing about something different and unusual.  You see, since noon yesterday, I have taken a vow of silence for a week.  Originally I sent out an email to my mom and few close friends that I speak to most often so that they wouldn’t think I was ignoring them!  But now I am finding the experience to be quite enlightening so I want to document these days.

 First, This is the email I sent out before beginning… 

Hello my friends and family
I am going to come straight to the point…
those of you that know me know that I have always had a “big mouth”…
saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, over-talking people, cutting people off, turning the conversation back to me, taking the conversation over, always needing to be right or in control, etc etc etc—
NOT how I want to be.
 
SO–knowing this about myself…what do I do?
Well I’ll tell you.
For the next week, I am taking a vow of silence.  Except for my two hours that I have to coach and my doctors appt, I will not be reachable by voice unless it is an emergency.  
I will text, email, write on paper or try my hands at sign language but I will not speak to you.
 
What I will do is LISTEN.  
I hope in the end, the thing I will come out with is better listening skills…a clearer head…less need to be heard.  I hope that like Carmelite Nuns or Tibetan Monks, I too can find some peace in the silence.  
I know you all are wondering how the heck I am going to do this– ME of all people…and that is exactly why I want to do it.  Call me crazy,,,in fact call me whatever you want this week….you’ll get NO argument back from me.
 
Love Always,
Dorina

Two of the responses I got were interesting…and different!

*I know you can do this. I know someone that yearly goes on a retreat where they do not talk.  He said that it is very strange at first but you get used to it.

*OMG…….i cant believe you are going to do this. Can you do this??? I couldn’t do it…..What are you going to do when you need to discipline the kids???/                                                                                          BTW…your first statement of having a “big mouth” describes me too!!! I have tried in the past to be more conscious of it…but I don’t think it has worked…..I always fall back into my old habits!  Good Luck!!
I THINK THESE ARE DEFINITELY THINGS I WILL BE ABLE TO RESPOND TO WHEN THIS IS OVER…OR MAYBE EVEN BEFORE!

So…what posessed me to do this?  
Well, I was in a “mood” the other night and stuff just kept spewing out of my mouth that was not serving me AT ALL!!!
So in my frustration with myself, I said…”you know, I should just wire my damn mouth shut!”  then I proceeded to tell whoever was listening about a girl I knew from high school who had surgery on her jaw

and she survived altho she could sort of talk thru her teeth!!! 

Anyway, I went to bed that night and this crazy idea began to form…and “vow of silence” came to mind.  So of course I got up and went to my computer and looked up “vow of silence” and “Tibetan Monks” who everyone knows don’t speak and “Carmelite Nuns” which I knew about growing up going to Catholic school…

What I found was interesting and believe it or not the following 3 points from Wikipedia I think sum it up quite well…

• As an aid to the practice of good, for we keep silence with man, in order the better to speak with God, because an unguarded tongue dissipates the soul, rendering the mind almost, if not quite, incapable of prayer. The mere abstaining from speech, without this purpose, would be that “idle silence” which St. Ambrose so strongly condemns.
• As a preventative of evil. Seneca, quoted by Thomas à Kempis, complains that “As often as I have been amongst men, I have returned less a man” (Imitation, Book I, c. 20).
• The practice of silence involves much self-denial and restraint, and is therefore a wholesome penance, and as such is needed by all.

Well, point one is good…my “tongue has often been unguarded” and has caused me problems… and I am finding that it feels somewhat spiritual.

In preventing evil as point 2 says, it keeps me from saying mean things etc and I do already after only 24 hours think that this is going to turn out, like in point 3 to be something I am going to recommend as needed by all…but I guess I’ll see after the 7 days. 

OK…so here is my story of the last 24 hours.

Before noon yesterday I got all the “business” phone calls I had to make done so that I wouldn’t have to do it later.  Then at noon I shut the mouth.

Even with two of my aforementioned “exceptions” in one day yesterday, –I had an eye doc appt at 2:30 which had already been made and I had to coach last night so I had about 3 hours of “talk time”  I still had many hours of quiet time anyway.  And STILL I already feel I’ve gotten a lot out of it.

So I was texting with my hubby Pat and he wanted to know how the kids were taking it.  I told him they were pretty good.  Then I had to come back and tell him otherwise because my 13 year old son was having issue with it.  He thought it was dumb…especially when I was trying to get him to do something without my “telling” him. He said “ Just talk already!”  But I used my chalkboard in the kitchen or just pointed and everyone seemed pretty much fine with it.  In fact the big boys -the college twins- think its great!!  haha!

By the time the night was over even Mr. 13 was fine.  Just took some getting used to!

Dinner was rather quiet…I guess I often start conversations…but it was pretty nice.

So that is them…what about me?

Well, what I have figured out so far…

When I am talking, I am not listening.

Even when I am NOT talking at the moment, I am more focused on what I am going to say next than listening,  I find I am preparing my response to what someone else is saying before they even finish. So…therefore not REALLY listening,

I’m finding that I am already becoming more tolerant of the things going on around me because I am not reacting to them…which I usually do with my mouth–BECAUSE I CAN’T TALK! 

The kids arguments seemed to be shorter because I wasn’t butting in.  I only had to point my finger and give a dirty look once last night. I think that’s pretty good.

Some of the other questions I got from Pat via text that made me think were…

p-Is the silence maddening?

d- no actually…I realize I don’t like hearing me either

–(interesting thing to figure out about yourself)

and then at one point I told him

d- you know on one hand it’s easy and on the other hand it’s not.

p- I can imagine

(but out of this I realized… no one can imagine this… I did have this grand idea of what it was going to be like but in no way did I realize it the way it is hitting me) 

and then later, when I was at soccer practice he texted me

p-how does it feel to talk?

d-it felt weird actually…like I wanted to whisper at first

p-weird

(it really was weird at first…especially talking to my own kids who I had been quiet with for the whole day!  but I think what was more strange was the fact that it felt that weird already after being quiet only the better part of one day) 

Now… Today…

This morning went very smooth.  Of course with snow and a two hour school delay it gave me more “morning time” … I got up and went about my morning breakfast business…made everyone french toast and eggs and coffee and lunches  AND what was interesting was that when I just pointed to each kid and their dish, they got up and WASHED IT and put it away!  I didn’t have to say a thing!  It was great!  And NO ARGUMENT about it either!

Hmmmmm….maybe there is something to this quiet thing…… 

Well that is it up to now…I have to say so far-so good.  

Peace,
Dorina