I want to thank all of you that are reading my blog right now especially reading about my SILENCE!
I started this blog as a combination of commentary on my life and experiences and about food which I believe is one of the most important things in life. It slowly…well I guess not that slowly!… became more about food and recipes than anything else and most people wanted more recipes and more recipes!
Well, after writing on this blog…not as regularly as I originally had hoped and planned but still off and on for the last year and a half what I have found out about life is way more than I ever realized life was all about.
Yes, I still feel life is all about food. A big part of it anyway. Food is something we need for sustenance. BUT… Food is also comfort, enemy, challenge, addicting, joyful, creative, love, spite, hurtful, tasty, take you somewhere else, maintaining heritage and history, yucky, memory inducing stuff.
I personally have used food for comfort, for spite, for creating art, for showing love, holding on to memories, to make money, for running away to…for blaming.
So…what am I getting at? Well since most of my writing lately has been food and all of a sudden I take a Vow of Silence and write for days about that, I felt I just needed to write today about everything.
In being silent, I not only have learned all the things I have been already writing about, but I just feel more in control of everything in my life…and that includes FOOD. I LOVE FOOD. I love the smells, the flavors, the textures, the sizzle, the bubbling, the first bite and the last bite…I love making the food, creating new recipes, making healthy food taste good, designing the food on the plate, decorating cakes…and just about every other aspect of FOOD.
BUT there have been times when that food has owned me. In some of my craziness, depression, lonliness, fear, boredom I have eaten. I’d eat when my head was saying “don’t eat that” yet my hand would go to my mouth just the same.
In a way it was the same as when before taking my vow of silence I would tell myself to “just shut up Dorina” but my mantra to myself always seemed to come AFTER I had said something stupid…then I’d be beating myself up about it. Just like when I’d put something in my mouth that I really didn’t want to eat, I’d beat myself up afterwards but that didn’t stop me from doing it again just like my shut ups didn’t really shut me up.
MAKING myself be quiet was awesome. I have learned that self control should be more about changing your starting point…your initial thoughts…THEN you can control.
If you try to control while in the act…gravity takes over and it’s all downhill.
I used to think changing your thoughts was hard. For someone stubborn like me…it was for a long time, but only because that is what I told myself. I realized the person that has the most influence over me is ME. Wow…what a concept! I was the one keeping me down. I was the one telling me that I sucked at this and was no good at that. I was my own worst enemy. Pride got in the way. Now really…what the hell did I have to be proud of??? NOTHING!!!! Not about myself anyway. I was a big mouth bully talking too much and not listening enough…eating too much yet not feeding my soul.
I urge you…if you have ANY issues with your life whatsoever…try learning to control your thoughts. Try a vow of silence for a couple of days, or even a day. Listen to yourself and realize that nothing outside of you matters if what’s inside of you isn’t whole.
You may have depression, anxiety, bi-polar etc in your family or you may just be a bit depressed about your life at the moment…or it just may be a short sad time because of some current tragedy in your family or just frustration with kids in high school which sends you spinning….
Whatever it is…these things I have done and am doing can help…they WILL help. I will continue to write about what I have been doing this year because this is basically the culmination of a year of inner search in which my VOW OF SILENCE was the clincher that made me understand all the cool stuff I had learned but in a sense only “memorized” but didn’t’ really “understand” as I think I do now.
May any of you who are mothers, or just in your 30′s or 40′s or 50′s (which can be depressing all by itself)…or just feel like something isn’t quite right in your life, find your own peace. I am here to tell you it can be fixed, and it is all worth the hard work.
The first thing I am going to tell you to do is to please say a small prayer today giving thanks to God for all that you DO already have that is good in your life, and then just stop and go about your day thinking about that. Then you can work on the rest.
Until we meet again, I wish you Peace.
Love,
Dorina
I read all of your Silence posts today and loved each one. As always, you have given me more to think about. You have taken word from my own mind but displayed them with more elegance then I could have ever spoken or written them. You continue to open my eyes to new things and even some of the old things right in front of me! Keep writing. ♥
Thank you Debbie…
You know there was a time when I’d had my first knee surgery back in college and I thought that it was the worst thing I could personally ever live through…it was physically painful and frustrating and my soccer dreams were shattered and I used to say that I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy it was so bad…. NOW…I realize that if like were just as bad as recovering from knee surgery everyone would be dancing and singing in the streets every day of their lives being so happy…
So, if i can help someone else not have to live through some of what I’ve been through, then I will consider my life a grand success.
Thank you for your kind words. Even though I am learning to pat myself on the back and believe in myself that I am doing a good job, I cannot lie…it still feels good to hear it.
Peace and Love,
Dorina
After reading a number of blogs by people that had taken a vow of silence, I have decided to try one myself. I’ve only been on mine for a week now. Its been incredible though. I would definitely second the sentiment of having memorized many things but not understanding them. Its an eye opening journey, and I would say very beneficial to anyone willing to try it!
Thanks for your inspiring insight.
Judson, thank you for you kind words. I hope your “vow” is as worthwhile as mine was for me. I admire the fact that you have done so for a week. I would love to hear about yours if you came up with any other insights different than mine. I have to say now that it has been a few weeks since I did it, I am finding it so much easier to “keep the mouth shut” when i need to and find my listening skills a lot better. It was definitely the most “eye opening” experience of my life. <3 Dorina